Much to my and millions of others’ shock, Whitney Houston passed away on Saturday. I’ve been a fan of hers since I was in high school when the song “How Will I Know?” came out. Just last week, I found myself singing along to her “I’m Your Baby Tonight” album on one of my iTunes genius mixes and remembering just how much I have always LOVED singing along with her.

Years ago, Whitney was interviewed on some prime time news show–I can’t remember if it was 20/20, a Barbara Walters special or Prime Time–but it was one of those days where I rearranged my schedule in order to watch it and was hooked on every word she said. Until she said something that I’d never heard anyone say before that positively horrified me.

The question she was asked may have been something to do with the attention she would get from strangers (and, I’m guessing, fans). And I recall her talking about people who would approach her wanting to be her friend, and her response was, “I have enough friends. I don’t need any more friends.”

When she said it, I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut–and it took me a while to figure out why. Obviously, I understood her not wanting to be “friends” with anyone who only wanted to be friends with “Whitney Houston” the pop star vs. Whitney the person–everyone in the public eye has to deal with that. However, I knew that wasn’t what she was talking about. And that’s why I was so shocked.

People grow and change throughout their lives, friends and family come and go). And, to live a healthy, happily growth-filled life, new friends are often integral to that. And, frankly, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t benefit from having new friends and acquaintances in their lives.

This interview took place long before her later drug and use and marriage took such an incredible, visible toll on her–but I can’t help but wonder if her desire to be so insular helped to make those things worse in the years before she passed.

I never knew Whitney personally–I’ve only passed her in the hallway backstage at the Grammy Awards in the early 90s. So I can’t say if her comment had been completely off the cuff or if she really meant what she’d said. But my instinctive, horrified reaction to what she said has stayed with me since the moment she said it and for good reason.

Life is hard and people grow and change. Those are two constants of life that are neck and neck with death and taxes. But the one remedy to how hard life can be and the changes people go through is the support systems we have around us. Occasionally, we’ll have friends or family who stick with us through the long haul and are able to help us to be happier, stronger, more productive, grounded, contented people–but for the vast majority of us, the people we have in our lives during one stage aren’t equipped to help us through some of the others. Which is why it’s SO important that we stay open and are willing to let new folks into our lives.

When I was in my 20s, I had loads of friends I loved to go to bars and clubs with–where our main activities were tequilla shots, boys, and loud music. When I was in my 30s, my friends shifted to loads of 12-step friends and personal growth junkies. As I grew more into myself, became healthier, more contented and grounded, many of those folks fell away until the majority of folks who are my friends now are not my former bar-hopping and 12-Step friends. I still have a few friends from each category–but the truth is, *I* wouldn’t have been able to make the shifts in my life if I’d continued to surround myself with the same people and never let any new blood in. And I think that’s true for most people.

And it makes me wonder if that’s part of the problem in cases like Whitney’s. We become like the people we spend the most time with–if they’re enablers or addicts, our chances of moving out of that sort of life are slim. If the folks we’re surrounded by are all negative, gossipy, mean, or judgmental, we’re probably going to either be that way too, or tremendously exhausted from trying not to be that way. If all of our friends are distrustful, scarcity-minded, or think the world will always be unfair, we’re at risk of being stuck with those beliefs too.

The thing is, the world is filled with BILLIONS of people–many of whom DON’T think or behave the way we or our friends and family do. But if we don’t let those folks into our lives, we never give ourselves the chance to make those changes in our lives.

So, who are you surrounded by right now? Do they challenge you in a good way? Do they inspire you to grow and then support you when you do? Are they fun to be around? Are they positive? Do they believe in your dreams? Do you even trust them with your dreams?

If not, are you willing to open yourself up to more people who do? Even if you don’t know those folks yet?

Life is hard. And one of the best ways to ENSURE that it stays hard is to hole up and not let anyone new into your life who may bring in a new perspective, new energy, and new support that could really light your soul up and make your journey more fun and so much easier.

Whitney’s death is a tragedy, no matter what caused it. It’s an incredible waste of talent–but, then again, that downturn began years before she died. And I, for one, will never stop wondering what might have happened had she been more open to change, support, and new people in her life to help her clean up the poor decisions that riddled her life with such obvious pain.

Her life is over now. Yours isn’t.

If you could let new friends into your life for fun, support, love, and inspiration, what would they be like? Who would they be? What qualities would they have that you would admire or that you’d want to cultivate in yourself?

In my opinion, one of the worst things anyone can do to their present and future happiness is cut themselves off from additional love and support. So this week, I challenge you to make room for new people in your life and, when they appear, be willing to invite them in!

Let me know how it goes!

Tags: change, drug use, Family, friends, friendship, growth, happiness, marriage, support, Whitney Houston

This entry was posted on Monday, February 13th, 2012 at 5:26 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.