Two weeks ago, I had back-to-back trips. First, I was out of the country and then, once back in the country, I was home for less than 12 hours and then on my way out of state, and then, once home, my schedule was still packed. Although I’d met a number of great people along the way and had good trips, I realized the the only person I’d spoken to consistently in all that time was my cat sitter...

Granted, I really miss my cat when I’m away from her, so getting daily updates about her and about the state of my apartment is important to me–and my sitter is very conversational and often asks about how my trips are going while I’m away. But, once I’d finally settled in back home after all of my traveling and bustling around and started to reconnect with my friends and family, I realized that despite feeling like I’d connected with people, I felt really removed from the people I cared about most.

Has this ever happened to you? You get so wrapped up in what you’re doing and get so distracted by the fact that SINCE you’re with people, you mistake that for actually NOURISHING your own primary relationships?

I’ve certainly been on the other side of this situation–when I’ve felt like my friends have gotten so wrapped up in their work or even managing their households that when I see them, I get the distinct feeling that their clients/coworkers/nannies/cleaning ladies know more about how they’re doing than I do–yet, I’m the one who’s supposed to be their friend!

And here I am realizing that the longest conversations I’d had actually talking to someone about how I was REALLY doing was to the hotel clerk and my cat sitter. Who are both good people, of course, but who aren’t in my life for any reason other than helping me while I travel–and probably won’t be in my life again until the next time I travel.

I bring this up because, if you’re like me, you can get lulled into the idea that if you’re around people; if you’re talking to people, that that means you’re actually having a RELATIONSHIP with them–and, often times, you’re not. At least, not in the way you would with someone in your family or your close circle of friends. Meaning, without the situation that has brought you two together, you wouldn’t BE together. Or another way to say it is that once the reason why you’re situationally together is over, you probably won’t be keeping in touch.

Certainly this isn’t a bad kind of relationship to have–after all, none of us could exist for long without the many situational relationships in our lives–but, if we’re consciously thinking about it, they aren’t the relationships we’d go to for real, deep support, or even for belly laughter and fun.

So what do we do when we realize that we’ve been neglecting our friends and family (and, thus, ourselves) in favor of our staff or coworkers? The first thing is to check in and see if that’s really okay with us. I mean, I’m very glad to talk to my cat sitter as much as I do while I’m away, but the minute I get home, she isn’t the friend I really miss and can’t wait to see or talk to (my cat may miss her, but that’s why I hired her–to be my cat’s friend!) but if she’s the only one I’ve been talking to, I may very well feel distant from the friends who I actually call my friends and to let that continue could be detrimental to MY well being.

Now, not everyone needs FRIEND support as much as I do–but if you’re like me, to drop the ball with maintaining friendships is a really bad idea. So, just to make sure you’ve got what you actually need in your life, take a look around and see who you’ve been spending the majority of your time with lately–who you’ve been talking the most to lately…is it the people you care the most about, who truly nourish your soul? Or is it your coworkers, clients, or staff? If you find your life is as out of balance as mine was, quickly make time to call, write, AND visit your friends and family and get some real nourishment for yourself–not just the kind that ‘momentarily’ feels like nourishment because there happens to be another warm body standing there.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 6th, 2010 at 1:21 pm and is filed under Balance, Children, Family, Hollywood, Relationships, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.